We’re halfway through the year and I haven’t at all accomplished what I wanted or had hoped to in regards to my blog.
The weeks and months have simply flown by, even though some days seemed to drag on forever.
I had blog idea after blog idea pop into my head with full intentions of sitting down to write. But, alas, nothing got written. Or not much anyway.
I have, however, written every day in my journal since just after Christmas last year. That is an accomplishment in itself! To have become quite disciplined as to wake up extra early every morning to jot in my journal makes me tremendously happy. I haven’t journaled daily (and I mean religiously daily) since my college days. I must say it feels great.
Refreshing. Inspiring. Motivating.
I must admit there are days when I’m so angry or frustrated that I write just to get it out. Get all of my emotions out of me and on paper so they don’t negatively influence my thought processes any longer than they already have. (Or so the theory goes.) On these particular journaling days one can barely read my handwriting. I’m guessing if anyone other than me are to read these entries, they wouldn’t know where to begin – it’s so scratchy.
But it’s so wildly therapeutic!
And on other days, the good feels are flowing so smoothly and freely that I could write for hours and hours on end, never stopping except to refill my cup of coffee or to view the sun light as it beams and filters through the morning.
But nonetheless … I’m here – Midsummer. Supposedly a time of glorious leisure, days full of holiday outings and fun. And while there have been those days of holiday leisure and fun, I still find myself a bit low.
I think it’s because I haven’t written as much as I had planned to at the start of the New Year. And for that I get so very judgmental of myself. I let the negative self-talk take over, which as we all know, doesn’t help at all.
“Do not compare yourself to anyone else,” says the meme on social media that seems to appear so frequently.
Also, I’m reminded that…
“Nature doesn’t rush and yet all gets accomplished.” (Lao Tzu)
But I do feel a great urge to write. And write. And write. My soul absolutely needs it.
“Stop aspiring and start wiring. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no change for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you’ve got just one last thing to say, like you’re a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don’t. Who knows , maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to.” (Alan Watts)
Well, I’m not one of those lucky ones who doesn’t have to.
I have to.
But I’m grateful for carving out time to write every morning, no matter where I am or what mood I’m in. It’s developed this need, this desire, this taste for writing that I haven’t had in a very long time.
There are words within me, thoughts, feelings, that I must express or have a great desire to share.
So that’s exactly what I’ll do . I’ll write.
And just write. No holding myself to any strict schedule, number of published posts within a month, or writing solely for one category. I’ll write for myself and perhaps someone will like it enough to join the conversation. And if not, that’s okay too.
And this is my Night’s Dream.
To write, and lift myself up out of this low.
What has journaling opened up for you?